Hello, it has been awhile since I have blogged. I have been
preoccupied with certain life events that are forcing me to accept my
destiny. I have learned that my life is
not going in the route of marriage and children like they portray in film. Television shows and movies are a reflection
of reality. The media tells us that we
are supposed to aspire for lives of money, marriage, and children to be happy.
They also portray that those who sleep with others and have no real
relationships are the unhappy ones. Then
when they find the right person everything is right with their lives or they
end up heartbroken over that one time they chose to be in a relationship. Movies and shows also demonstrate that only
thin and healthy individuals find love because fat people are not attractive. Therefore, our society is in that reality,
but also tries to mimic those clichés in television.
I am a fat person living in America where it is unacceptable
to be the way I am and especially since I am a woman. I will not change myself to be pleasing to
the eye because society tells me. I will
change when I want and need to change. I
have accepted that I will likely never find love and have children. I am way too intelligent and I have Asperger’s
to find anyone that will be compatible.
I am not trying to make anyone feel like I should be pitied because I do
not feel sorry for myself. I have accepted that I will be alone and I can live
with that now. I do not need to try to
find things in life based on the television shows and movies that portray that
life should be like that. I have also accepted that I will also feel
like an outsider looking in to the world because I cannot feel the same needs
that most people have nor do I understand many people.
I have chosen to live a life to serve God, to financially
better myself, live to be there for my friends, and be there for the family
that I have in this world. I choose to watch my friends and family grow in
their lives and their relationships. I
enjoy watching them grow in their relationships because I know that they will
be successful even if they get lost in portions of their lives. I was lost for a while because I was
struggling with the requirements of society and who I am as a person. This world is unfriendly towards those are
outside of the “norm” of their societies.
This world strives to be perfect when the world is imperfect and full of
sin. I have realized that I will never be perfect nor will I comply to how
society wants me to live. The only time that
will occur is if that will benefit me in my life circumstances.
In conclusion, my life is destined to be that of a
loner. I will grow old and die alone in
this world. I have accepted that my life
is destined to fulfilling my duty to God, my needs, and watching those that I
love improve their lives. However, I
will keep myself open to the possibility of love. My destiny is what is right
now and should that change then I will embrace that reality. I am happy now that I have accepted.
